Saturday, January 28, 2006
Piazza Coming To The Padres
Ordinarily when I hear a rumor about the Padres I cringe. Because they invariably do something that I would've done when I was five like trading a Frank Thomas Rookie Card for a Twix Bar and one week "no-dead-arms" pass. But today I heard a rumor that Mike Piazza might come to the Padres.
Any self respecting baseball fan would be cringing about this idea. Mets fans are probably laughing at us. Even Dodger fans don't want the old man back. Why? Because he's gay(he is, he lied in his press conference). Also, because he's not good anymore and he still insists on playing catcher. Oh yeah, and he's gay.
But there is something about the name that makes me think that he'll fit on the Padres. It definitely won't be because of his hitting. Petco Park is a cavern and he won't hit more than long fly ball outs in our park. He'll also hit grounders and soft fly ball outs, he'll also whiff. It also won't be because of his defensive ability. Because he sucks at defense(no joke needed, he just sucks).
The reason I think Piazza is a good fit for the Padres is that he has shitty sideburns and facial hair, just like Ryan Klesko. I think if at any given time you combined the two men's facial hair you'd achieve a full beard. This has got to mean something. As if two halves of a broken talisman have been brought together to unelash a might power. I would fear a team with Klesko and Piazza. Two overpaid, underwhelming, over-the-hill, retarded facial haired men, who together could add up to almost an entire baseball player. Here is to the future, and here is to second place in the NL West.
Go Pads!
Any self respecting baseball fan would be cringing about this idea. Mets fans are probably laughing at us. Even Dodger fans don't want the old man back. Why? Because he's gay(he is, he lied in his press conference). Also, because he's not good anymore and he still insists on playing catcher. Oh yeah, and he's gay.
But there is something about the name that makes me think that he'll fit on the Padres. It definitely won't be because of his hitting. Petco Park is a cavern and he won't hit more than long fly ball outs in our park. He'll also hit grounders and soft fly ball outs, he'll also whiff. It also won't be because of his defensive ability. Because he sucks at defense(no joke needed, he just sucks).
The reason I think Piazza is a good fit for the Padres is that he has shitty sideburns and facial hair, just like Ryan Klesko. I think if at any given time you combined the two men's facial hair you'd achieve a full beard. This has got to mean something. As if two halves of a broken talisman have been brought together to unelash a might power. I would fear a team with Klesko and Piazza. Two overpaid, underwhelming, over-the-hill, retarded facial haired men, who together could add up to almost an entire baseball player. Here is to the future, and here is to second place in the NL West.
Go Pads!
