Monday, March 27, 2006
Drew Brees applies for Sainthood...
...is the Headline some crappy newspaper in the midwest came up with already.
So as a Chargers “fan”(and I put “fan” in quotes because it makes more sense) I have learned to deal with certain quirks that San Diego teams have:
1) We don’t ever get the “good” players, unless:
a. We got lucky in the draft. Which has happened twice (LT and Ryan Leaf*).
b. We acquire players before they become good and trade them as a “prospect” to another team for someone like Kwame Lassiter.
c. We acquire players after they have hit there prime in free agency or in the aforementioned trade (in which we trade a player who will be good for a player who has one leg and is blind but used to be Jesus)
2) Our teams will never win a championship. Unless they are the Gulls (Semi-Pro Hockey) or the Sockers (Semi-Pro Indoor Soccer – who are actually the most winning-est franchise in San Diego Sports history and that makes San Diego collectively more gay than any other city. Sorry San Francisco, your just not gay enough anymore.). I have grown to accept that a super bowl ring will never have the bolt engraved in it or I’ll never attend a World Series game sitting next to the western metal supply building.
3) We don’t spend money unless we are certain it will not work out for us (Ryan Leaf, Philip Rivers, David Boston, Sean Salisbury). Our one condition for tossing money at players is apparently only if we have some inside information that they will not turn out in our favor. This is true for The Chargers and Padres (and sometimes The Gulls). Which leads me to this…
4) “The San Diego Discount”. This is a phrase really smart ESPN folks and professional athletes and agents have come up with. It means that to play sports in San Diego you get all the weather, attractive women and beaches, but in exchange you won’t make as much money. I think this is a myth. Only one time has this theory ever rung true: Tony Gwynn. He took less money to stay in San Diego. Why is this the only time it’s really happened? Because Tony Gwynn is the only player good enough to actually have to take a discount. Everyone else was either paid there worth or were greedy and deserved purgatory on the Bills…or the Saints…which leads me to:
…DREW BREES. I would first like to say that I always liked Drew Brees. I saw him play with Purdue and thought he was an underappreciated talent. When the Chargers drafted him instead of Michael Vick I was extremely happy. I’d rather have a Boilermaker over a Hokie any day. I mean what the hell is a Hokie anyway? Is it that thing on Frank Beamer’s neck? Regardless, I liked him. But, at no point did I anticipate him as a permanent Charger. Nothing about him screams loyalty – it just screams look at my hot wife or that Gorbachev thing on my cheek. I in no way thought he would be with us longer than two years. I mean we had Flutie^ for Christ’s sake (^See point No. 1 sec. C from above)! I thought Brees would be a good backup plan and maybe see some snaps but he wasn’t going to be the next Dan Fouts. Dan Fouts had a beard. Drew Brees did not and has never had a beard. I had never given up on Drew Brees I just never gave him a chance – like cocaine or “Scrubs”. My friend and fellow Sports Minute columnist Nick McCann (who is an authority on absolutely nothing except my life) told me you can’t give up on a Quarterback until his fourth year. I agreed only to shut him up and then saw his very theory be proven right. Look at Vick or Eli Manning or even early Elway – they were thrown to wolves and the wolves chowed down. Some came out with scars and learned from it, some just died. Brees was given time to learn from fellow hobbit QB Flutie, and in his fourth year had the best year for a Charger QB since Stan Humphries in ’94. Brees only threw 7 picks in ’04 and had a QB rating over 100.0! I mean come on – fuck yes! Unfortunately, that year the Bolts brass lost trust in Brees and drafted Philip Rivers to battle for the starting job. Which has culminated to the events of this month. Brees feeling unwanted decided to take his birthmark and go elsewhere. It was either The Dolphins or Saints and since The Dolphins acquired Culpepper the Saints seemed like home. Now, I still like Brees and I think he has a lot of talent. Do I think he could have led the Chargers to the Super Bowl? No. Do I think he could lead the Saints to the Super Bowl? Hell no. The Saints, apparently forgetting Brees last game of the year where he tore up his shoulder, gave him a 6-year $60 million dollar deal! This was definitely Brees out for the dough. How on Earth could he think “Ah yes, the Saints. They are an organization that is headed in the right direction – assuming they have a place to play and another good player on the team besides Joe Horn”. Who will protect him? Who will he throw to? Who will he hand off to? Who will tend to his wife? Drew Brees has been in this situation before and it wasn’t that long ago and if I remember correctly he didn’t like it. In fact no one liked it, not even the city he played in. And we certainly didn’t give him sixty mill!! Not only does he have the normal pressure of being the QB he was for the Bolts on an entirely new team; but now he has to be so damn good that the whole Hurricane-ridden, poor desolated city of New Orleans where most people still don’t have a home let alone money to see the Saints play get behind him and think he was worth it. I think Drew Brees made a terrible mistake signing with the Saints. I think the Saints made a terrible mistake signing Drew Brees. But, most of all for once in my life I actually think the Chargers made a smart move. They did what any team should have done. Look over your grill and if you see any meat that looks questionable, you should probably toss it. No reason to take a chance just cause the fat guy in the corner is hungry. Slap a new piece of meat on there and hope it comes out like the rest of ‘em – well done and covered in cheese. Peace out Drew Brees, good luck in the French Quarter and remember just cause they call it gumbo don’t mean it’s not a hooker.
*I say Ryan Leaf was a good draft pick, cause no one saw or could have predicted that he would end up being the shittiest person alive.
So as a Chargers “fan”(and I put “fan” in quotes because it makes more sense) I have learned to deal with certain quirks that San Diego teams have:
1) We don’t ever get the “good” players, unless:
a. We got lucky in the draft. Which has happened twice (LT and Ryan Leaf*).
b. We acquire players before they become good and trade them as a “prospect” to another team for someone like Kwame Lassiter.
c. We acquire players after they have hit there prime in free agency or in the aforementioned trade (in which we trade a player who will be good for a player who has one leg and is blind but used to be Jesus)
2) Our teams will never win a championship. Unless they are the Gulls (Semi-Pro Hockey) or the Sockers (Semi-Pro Indoor Soccer – who are actually the most winning-est franchise in San Diego Sports history and that makes San Diego collectively more gay than any other city. Sorry San Francisco, your just not gay enough anymore.). I have grown to accept that a super bowl ring will never have the bolt engraved in it or I’ll never attend a World Series game sitting next to the western metal supply building.
3) We don’t spend money unless we are certain it will not work out for us (Ryan Leaf, Philip Rivers, David Boston, Sean Salisbury). Our one condition for tossing money at players is apparently only if we have some inside information that they will not turn out in our favor. This is true for The Chargers and Padres (and sometimes The Gulls). Which leads me to this…
4) “The San Diego Discount”. This is a phrase really smart ESPN folks and professional athletes and agents have come up with. It means that to play sports in San Diego you get all the weather, attractive women and beaches, but in exchange you won’t make as much money. I think this is a myth. Only one time has this theory ever rung true: Tony Gwynn. He took less money to stay in San Diego. Why is this the only time it’s really happened? Because Tony Gwynn is the only player good enough to actually have to take a discount. Everyone else was either paid there worth or were greedy and deserved purgatory on the Bills…or the Saints…which leads me to:
…DREW BREES. I would first like to say that I always liked Drew Brees. I saw him play with Purdue and thought he was an underappreciated talent. When the Chargers drafted him instead of Michael Vick I was extremely happy. I’d rather have a Boilermaker over a Hokie any day. I mean what the hell is a Hokie anyway? Is it that thing on Frank Beamer’s neck? Regardless, I liked him. But, at no point did I anticipate him as a permanent Charger. Nothing about him screams loyalty – it just screams look at my hot wife or that Gorbachev thing on my cheek. I in no way thought he would be with us longer than two years. I mean we had Flutie^ for Christ’s sake (^See point No. 1 sec. C from above)! I thought Brees would be a good backup plan and maybe see some snaps but he wasn’t going to be the next Dan Fouts. Dan Fouts had a beard. Drew Brees did not and has never had a beard. I had never given up on Drew Brees I just never gave him a chance – like cocaine or “Scrubs”. My friend and fellow Sports Minute columnist Nick McCann (who is an authority on absolutely nothing except my life) told me you can’t give up on a Quarterback until his fourth year. I agreed only to shut him up and then saw his very theory be proven right. Look at Vick or Eli Manning or even early Elway – they were thrown to wolves and the wolves chowed down. Some came out with scars and learned from it, some just died. Brees was given time to learn from fellow hobbit QB Flutie, and in his fourth year had the best year for a Charger QB since Stan Humphries in ’94. Brees only threw 7 picks in ’04 and had a QB rating over 100.0! I mean come on – fuck yes! Unfortunately, that year the Bolts brass lost trust in Brees and drafted Philip Rivers to battle for the starting job. Which has culminated to the events of this month. Brees feeling unwanted decided to take his birthmark and go elsewhere. It was either The Dolphins or Saints and since The Dolphins acquired Culpepper the Saints seemed like home. Now, I still like Brees and I think he has a lot of talent. Do I think he could have led the Chargers to the Super Bowl? No. Do I think he could lead the Saints to the Super Bowl? Hell no. The Saints, apparently forgetting Brees last game of the year where he tore up his shoulder, gave him a 6-year $60 million dollar deal! This was definitely Brees out for the dough. How on Earth could he think “Ah yes, the Saints. They are an organization that is headed in the right direction – assuming they have a place to play and another good player on the team besides Joe Horn”. Who will protect him? Who will he throw to? Who will he hand off to? Who will tend to his wife? Drew Brees has been in this situation before and it wasn’t that long ago and if I remember correctly he didn’t like it. In fact no one liked it, not even the city he played in. And we certainly didn’t give him sixty mill!! Not only does he have the normal pressure of being the QB he was for the Bolts on an entirely new team; but now he has to be so damn good that the whole Hurricane-ridden, poor desolated city of New Orleans where most people still don’t have a home let alone money to see the Saints play get behind him and think he was worth it. I think Drew Brees made a terrible mistake signing with the Saints. I think the Saints made a terrible mistake signing Drew Brees. But, most of all for once in my life I actually think the Chargers made a smart move. They did what any team should have done. Look over your grill and if you see any meat that looks questionable, you should probably toss it. No reason to take a chance just cause the fat guy in the corner is hungry. Slap a new piece of meat on there and hope it comes out like the rest of ‘em – well done and covered in cheese. Peace out Drew Brees, good luck in the French Quarter and remember just cause they call it gumbo don’t mean it’s not a hooker.
*I say Ryan Leaf was a good draft pick, cause no one saw or could have predicted that he would end up being the shittiest person alive.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
you're welcome.
i like sports
and minutes
sports minutes
ive kind of been drinking tonight...
baseball football drink.
and minutes
sports minutes
ive kind of been drinking tonight...
baseball football drink.
